By Judith Kristen, AAP Columnist
The mothers of all of us, above and beyond biology, whether we realize it or not, are service workers.
In these harried times, there are so many things we rely on others to do for us. We send our children to day care, and many must leave their young ones in the hands and hearts of others from 7:00 a.m. until 6:00 p.m. We’re too pooped to pop after work; that makes for a quick call for pizza, cheese steaks, or Chinese food. We go on vacation and someone has to walk and feed our animals… you get the idea.
Most dads don’t do the “after hours” work our grandfathers did. Either they don’t know how or they don’t have the time. So they hire a lawn guy or a handyman for all the things that inevitably need doing.
Think about what our lives would be like without service workers! Let’s face it: if you can’t do it, someone else has to step up to the plate.
The majority of my friends are in a service-oriented line of work, and I have more respect for them than words could ever say. And yet, on a regular basis, I hear stories from these compassionate, hardworking souls that leave me shaking my head.
A dear friend works at a nearby restaurant; she waits tables as efficiently and friendly as you would hope to find anywhere. She once seated a family of six for dinner, with a bill totaling $97.43, only to find a dollar tip left on the table. Sadly, this was not an isolated incident.
Another friend, who cleans houses for a living, was admonished for asking for a very small raise after years of spotlessly beautiful service. She was barked at and told all the ways in which she could save money by being thriftier and then she wouldn’t have to ask for a raise.
Then there are my friends who are day care workers who call parents because their child has fallen ill, only to be asked, “Is it really that bad? I have work I need to finish up.”
But the saddest of all was a story from my friend in Philadelphia who worked as a nurse’s aide in a very upscale center.
A patient in a state of continual decline became very close to my friend, Pat, the aide on her shift, and she treasured her time with Patty.
The family came by as they could, but, as the end drew near, visits were few and far between. And when the woman finally passed, she was holding my friend, Patty’s hand. No family was in sight.
Pat did her best to comfort them, telling them that their mother was smiling and peaceful when the angels came for her. One daughter immediately spoke up to ask Patty if she was just saying that to make them feel guilty because they weren’t there. The woman continued to inform Pat that they were all well paid, respected professionals who deeply loved their mother but that they led extremely busy lives. Then she smirked, “Say, don’t you have a bedpan or something to empty?”
Patty turned to leave the room and with the goodness and grace that is such an innate part of her, Pat said to her accuser and family, “I’m very sorry for the loss of your mother. She was a wonderful woman. It was an honor for me to know her.”
Now obviously, these people are extremes in ugly behavior, but they happen. We are all guilty of this in one degree or another – taking for granted a generosity of spirit that goes far above and well beyond the call of duty. We have become a society of quick fixes and short memories for the precious goodness, heart, and compassion that we are blessed with in this ever too busy world of ours.
This is my ode to the caregivers and nurturers, male or female. I want them all to know that the work they do is goodness-based, respectable, and most appreciated. It would gift all of us to honor these people, remembering with our hearts this perfectly timed quote:
“We are, each of us, angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing and respecting one another.”
~Judy
